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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28302531">have yourself a merry little christmas</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/goreds/pseuds/goreds'>goreds</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Expanse (TV), The Expanse Series - James S. A. Corey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:33:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>619</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28302531</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/goreds/pseuds/goreds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Chrisjen gives Sadavir a gift.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chrisjen Avasarala/Sadavir Errinwright</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>have yourself a merry little christmas</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/wh4t4sh4me/gifts">wh4t4sh4me</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why aren’t you home with your family?” Sadavir is surprised to hear his boss’s husky voice behind him on tonight of all nights.</p><p>“Why aren’t you home with yours?” He responds a little too quickly, he realizes and regrets it as soon as it comes out of his mouth.</p><p>“Charanpal is off-world with his children and wife. Arjun went with them. I stayed behind. To work.” Chrisjen bites out that last bit, and he knows it’s not the truth. For all that the Avasasralas have a happy marriage, he’s walked into her office at the end of a few fights with Arjun. Sadavir guesses they’re in another one of their spats.</p><p>Sadavir was watching the city lights from the foyer of Chrisjen’s office suite when she interrupted him. She sits next to him, primly.</p><p>“Beautiful, isn’t it? New York all lit up for Christmas?” The lights reflect in her dark eyes, and he marvels at how beautiful that sight is, before squashing that thought down, hard.</p><p>“I, personally, can’t believe we still celebrate it. As a culture. God is dead, and all that.” He says this drily and expects a laugh out of her, but he gets nothing in response.</p><p>“People like hope. Hope for a Savior to rescue them. Not that I believe in all that, but…it isn’t unappealing.” Chrisjen brings something out of her red and green (festive, he realizes) sari, a little box with a bow on it.</p><p>“What’s that?” Timidly, because he knows it’s a gift, and on an aide’s salary, he can’t afford anything equal to what she could afford to give in return.</p><p>“What do you think it is, you stupid boy?” She thrusts it in his direction. “Open it,” she commands, “Even though I know you don’t want to.”</p><p>He obeys her order, opening the little box. A pin in the shape of a circle, with “Earth Must Come First,” written around the border and a little portrait of Earth in the center. It’s gold and silver, from the weight of it.</p><p>“Ma’am, you shouldn’t have--”</p><p>“Tut, tut,” she says, taking it out of the box and pinning it to his collar. “Someday, you will be great and powerful, Sadavir Errinwright. And you will need to accessorize like you are. And never forget what I’ve taught you.”</p><p>He won’t.</p><hr/><p>He didn’t.</p><p>Chrisjen brings the pin out of his effects, the ones that arrived in a box to her office, much to her surprise. When she asked who sent them, the courier shrugged.</p><p>He’s in prison now, for his crimes against the system. His crimes against her.</p><p>There’s a note buried at the bottom of the box, in an envelope with her name written on it in his impeccable handwriting. “Chrisjen,” it says. Not “Chrisjen Avasarala,” just “Chrisjen.”</p><p>She does not open it.</p><p>What she does do is tuck it away in a drawer.</p><p>After her defeat in the Sec-Gen election and her split with Arjun, she goes to the drawer and pulls it and the pin out and realizes with horror that it’s Christmas. She opens the envelope gingerly, not wanting to tear it. She reads it, and her eyes fill with tears at what’s written inside.</p><p>She does not ball it up and dispose of it, although she wants to. Instead, she tucks it into her pocket and remembers the words for the rest of her days, but she never repeats them to a soul.</p><p>Chrisjen keeps the pin, as a reminder: “Earth Must Come First,” yes. But those were the words of a foolish young woman, to a bright, hopeful young man. Now she wishes, as snow falls on New York, that she had told him literally anything else.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sadavir wears a little lapel pin throughout his appearances in season three...this is my idea about the very start of that.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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